It gave me a whole new perspective on life. It made me realize that life is fragile and that some decisions can play a huge part in your future. At the time of the exercise, I was also reading the book, “5 Regrets of the Dying.”

The book is about Bronnie Ware, who spent her career as a palliative care nurse, working exclusively with people who were 3 to 12 months from death.

Realizing she was in a unique position, she made a habit of asking them about their greatest regrets as they got closer to passing. After a while, she realized that they all had a common set of regrets.

Each time, she felt like she was hearing the same regrets over and over again. I recommend that you learn from these five regrets so you can avoid the same fate and create an epic life.

Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

Not Staying in Touch With Friends

When you get caught up in your weekly routine, it’s so easy to get caught up in the traffic, your family or your job. The monotony of life can make it so easy to lose touch with old friends and people that used to mean a lot to you. While not intentional, it happens to almost everyone.

What makes this very unfortunate is that spending time with friends is a great way to break your routine and have some fun. Sometimes that break from your normal life is the spark to keep going or get the motivation on a new idea.

Close friends bring you energy, unique perspectives and can act as the battery to give your life the kick it needs. Plus, it also brings a sense of belonging that nothing else can replace.

How to Avoid This Regret

The easiest way to avoid this regret is to be intentional with your relationships. Don’t let location or time get in the way to people that matter. Each week, try to have coffee or dinner out with someone you don’t’ see often.

Or, shoot an email or Facebook message if they don’t live close. And if you feel like even more communication, pick up your phone and talk or Facetime. With all the technology, it’s never been easier to stay in touch.

Not Letting Yourself Be Happy

Let me ask you … are you happy with your life? I’m not asking if it’s perfect (as perfect doesn’t exist) but are you happy?

People get so caught up in success and money that happiness sometimes goes out the window. When your life is about to end I’m sure all of your difficult moments fall off and you focus on the good times.

Find 3-5 things you can do in your life that will generate instant happiness to avoid this regret. It could be going on a run in the park, walking your dog, playing your favorite sport or making a home cooked meal with your significant other.

Find the little things that make you happy, don’t wait for the big ones or they might not ever come. Allow yourself happiness today!

How to Avoid This Regret

Do something each day that makes you happy. Even if it’s something small like singing to the top of your lung in your car, going to your favorite restaurant or going on a new walk with your dog. The little things often give you the most happiness.

Working Too Many Hours

I’m sure almost everyone can relate to this regret. Working hard is a great way to impact the world but often times people take it to the extreme. Oftentimes, this can damage your health, relationships, and quality of life.

So many relationships and friendships dwindle due to excess work. While it’s important to put in the hours and try to impact the world, don’t let it consume to you the point no one wants to be around you.

Don’t get so obsessed with the money that you forget about the people and moments that mean the most to you.

The key is to find some sort of balance between doing what you love and being with the people you love. Otherwise, you’ll look back one day and wish you’d focused more on the latter. Remember, you can’t take the money with you when you go.

How to Avoid This Regret

Monitor your hours so you don’t start living at the office. Don’t wear business and 80 hour weeks as a badge of honor. Create systems or get help from people to do more work in less time.

Not Expressing Your True Feelings

Men had the biggest problem with this regret as men from that era were taught to not show emotion and feelings nearly as much as todays. But holding your emotions internally is eating away at you.

If you’re feeling something, communicate it to the people who need to hear it. The last thing you want is to end up not getting through what you meant to say to someone so close to you.

How to Avoid This Regret

Make it habit to communicate, even the hard stuff to hear. The more open and transparent, the easier it will feel. While it won’t always feel easy, it’ll be worth it!

Not Living a Life True To Yourself

So many people end up living a life that isn’t true to themselves. Usually, its based on someones else version such as a spouse or parent. But this is one of the easiest regrets to avoid.

Focus on living a life that is true to yourself. Who cares what other people think, it really doesn’t matter.

How to Avoid This Regret

Listen to your inner voice. Don’t follow others, become the leader of your life! Constantly check in with yourself to make sure you are proud of the life you are living.

I recommend that you figure out what you want in life and align your activities around it. Life is way too short to try and impress others.

Remember these five regrets of the dying so you can focus on what matters in your life. Take action each day and week to ensure that you’ll end up living a life that made you happy and proud to live.

The post 5 Choices You Will Regret Forever (Don’t Make These Mistakes) appeared first on Fearless Motivation - Motivational Videos & Music.

Mamie shares a story from her youth from when she lived in Canada for a short period.

She met a man named Leslie John Moore and what followed a whirlwind romance, the likes of which only those with young free hearts can muster.

They fell in love and Leslie John Moore proposed marriage, of course Mamie accepted. She made plans to return to her home in Ireland to share the news, gather her possessions and return to her lover.

But when she arrived in Ireland, though initially excited by the news her parents then asked expectantly if Leslie John Moore was Catholic.

Well Leslie John Moore was a Protestant, and in the 1930’s that was a big deal. Mamie’s parents forbade her from returning to Ireland, and even though she protested she could not summon the will to disobey her parents. Mamie never spoke to Leslie John Moore again.

Some 60 years later Mamie sat idly with tears streaming, knowing that her time on Earth would soon be ending. Richard Mullholland asked “What’s wrong Mamie.”

Mamie replied “I was just wondering what my life might’ve been like if I’d married Leslie John Moore.”

Mamie carried this regret with her for the majority of her life. And most likely was the last thought as she slipped into the night.

Take heart from Mamie’s regret, you must follow your heart. Because it is far better to live with the regret of the mistakes you have made than to die with regret of never having tried.

If anything comes to mind. You do it, and you do it now. Be bold enough to chase your dreams. Be fearless.

Transcript | Speaker: Richard Mullholland

Imagine sitting there 60 years later, regretting something that you didn’t do..

Imagine sitting there 60 years later, regretting something that you didn’t do. Can you fathom that?

I walked in to get her and she was sitting there crying, and she has this suitcase on her knees.

And I said Mamie “What’s wrong?”

Mamie was like a grandmother to Richard growing up. A week before she died, Mamie told Richard Mullholland this story..

When she was young, I think she was about 20, she was born in I think 1908. So about 1928, she moved to Canada, and she moved to the Toronto area.

And she met a man there by the name of Leslie John Moore, and she fell in love with him.

So eventually one night, he takes her out to the Great Lakes, and he gets down on one knee, and he asked her to marry him. And she says yes.

So it was a beautiful thing. So she says she has to go back to Scotland to get her stuff and tell her family. So he gives her a suitcase, and it has his initials on it, says L.J.M. Leslie John Moore.

And she takes the suitcase and she gets on a boat, and she goes back to Scotland. And she tells her mom and dad that she is engaged to be married, and they’re all very, very happy.

And then they turn around and they say to her “Hey, but this guy, is he a Catholic?” And she says “No, no, no he’s a Protestant.” At that time, that was a big deal in Scotland.

So Mamie was never allowed to speak to that man again, ever.

Leslie wrote letter after letter to Mamie, but they were all returned-to-sender. She never spoke to him again..

The week before she died, I walked in to get her, and she was sittin’ there crying, and she had this suitcase on her knees.

And I said Mamie “What’s wrong?”

And she said “Was just wondering what my life might’ve been like if I’d married Leslie John Moore.”

It’s inconceivable to me, and I find that regret is a real problem that we are all going to have to atone for.

And I find that every single time that you say “No, no, you’re right, you’re right,” and you don’t do something.

What you do is you’re writing out a check made to regret. And that check you’re writing for regret, you will have to pay one day.

One day you will sit there with your grandkids, and you will have that suitcase with L.J.M. on your knee, and you will have to ask for forgiveness for yourself for all the s**t you didn’t try.

It is far better to live with the regret of the mistakes you have made than to die with regret of never having tried.

So you actually have to try.

Yesterday would of been easier. Tomorrow will be harder.

There is no waiting. It’s not going to get any easier when your kids finish school. It’s never gonna get cheaper. It’s never gonna feel like it’s making more sense.

You do it, and you do it now.

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One the most challenging aspects of avoiding failure, pain and regret is that it’s not until we experience them that we actually learn how to avoid them.

We don’t know the stove is hot until we touch it, and we don’t know what losing a championship feels like until the final point is scored. The actions that led to these results are ultimately where we went wrong, but in the moments beforehand we have trouble recognizing the signs.

Sure, we can listen to a nagging parent who tells us to keep our hands away from hot things and we can hear the words of other people who have experienced similar events. But to truly understand something we need to actually experience it ourselves.

Prepare For Pain And Act Accordingly.

Pain can come in a number of varying forms. It can be the physical pain of an injury or it can be the emotional pain of loss. In both instances, we are often left with one common emotion.

Regret.

We can’t help but think “what if I just…” or “If only I had done…”

Deep down we know these statements can’t do anything to fix the situation, but I believe they serve a greater purpose.

The common problem for many people is that in these moments of pain and regret, they tell themselves all the things they wish they would have done differently and they toil over all the ways they will never let this happen again. It’s an extremely tense moment, but often we have our greatest revelations in these trying times.

Unfortunately, a month or two later, a lot of these ideas and plans fall flat. We forget about how we felt in the moments after defeat. We cannot recall the true depths of our pain.

If you’ve ever spent an evening binging on fast food and sweets, you probably know the feeling that came afterwards. You feel like you’re going to throw up, your mouth is raw from all the sugar and salt, and you feel like you just gained 20 pounds in 2 hours. As you go to sleep that night, you vow to never do that again.

Then 1 month later, you find yourself going out for a late-night fast food run and buying 6 burgers with a side of apple pie and strawberry sundae.

30 minutes later, regret sinks in once again.

Our brains simply aren’t wired to remember everything about an experience. Very often the moment that sticks with us is the peak moment. The highest point of enjoyment. Your brain hardly remembers the sugar crash, it only remembers those initial bites full of bliss. And the further you get away from that experience, the less likely it is for you to be able to recall the pain you experienced.

Whether it’s a sugar crash or a painful loss, we are very quick to forget the painful lessons we experienced. We let them slip past us and in the end, we are doomed to repeat our past mistakes.

The 3 Versions Of You

There are always three versions of ourselves:

• The Past Self
• The Present Self
• The Future Self

These versions of ourselves can sometimes seem like different people. We often feel like the decisions made by the past version of ourselves were immature and naïve. And we choose to let the future versions of ourselves deal with the problems when we choose to procrastinate. However, since neither the past nor future versions of ourselves ever actually “exist” in real time, the only person that suffers is the present version.

Still with me?

What I am trying to say is simple.

We lack empathy for ourselves.

Forgetting what it feels like to be in the shoes of our past self. Failing to remember how painful it was to lose that big match or miss the game winning shot – and in the end, we don’t learn the lesson.

How Can We Combat This?

First off, It’s difficult to relive an emotion, especially if we never take the time to live with it in the first place.

But with one simple practice, it’s possible to properly address this issue.

The next time you experience a painful moment, record how you were feeling afterwards. The regrets you had, the wishes you were making and the promises you made to yourself.

Ask yourself the following questions:

• What are you feeling right now?

• Why are you disturbed by this feeling?

• How could you have handled the situation better?

• What will you do to never let this happen again?

Once you’ve done that, pull out your phone and poliltely telling Siri or Google to set a reminder one month from now.

A month later when that reminder chimes in, go back and review on what you wrote down. Reflect and figure out if you are still on track. If you aren’t, refer to the answer you gave to question 4 (What will you do to never let this happen again?).

Final Thoughts

In a world with so many varying opinions, values, beliefs, and lifestyles, many of us are quick to judge the actions of others.

But before we can do that, we need to be able to properly judge ourselves. We have to take the time to listen to our inner dialogue and understand where it’s coming from. Our brains are wired to avoid things that cause us pain. We instinctively want to protect ourselves. We should do a better job of helping this voice be heard on a regular basis.

By implementing a practice like the one mentioned above, we give ourselves a fighting chance and we allow that inner voice to be heard more clearly. In this present moment, listen to the Past Version of yourself so that the Future Version of yourself can live the life you really want to live. Without no regret.

In conclusion, I will leave you with a quote from The Untethered Soul.

“The only permanent solution to your problems is to go inside and let go of the part of you that seems to have so many problems with reality. Once you do that, you’ll be clear enough to deal with what’s left.” ― Michael Singer

 

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